Dear boss..

Dearest "Stay-at-Home Mommy" boss,

I am retiring as of.. now. I thank you for the opportunity to take part in this job, but I'm DONE. I feel you tricked me in to taking this job with all your talks of hugs and kisses throughout the day .. You failed to mention the tantrums and the spills that go along with it. You told me of getting to play outside whenever I felt the urge, but failed to mention all the mess mud puddles make and the hour long baths that the kids must take to make sure all the mud gets OFF them. You enticed me with the thought of making homemade cookies with the kids, but failed to mention the fights about whose turn it is to stir the batter, or the orange juice that gets poured in the batter INSTEAD of the milk. You promised me weekends of family "mini-trips" but failed to mention that my husband would be working 24/7 (MINOR DETAIL DON'T YA THINK???). You promised giggles and the sounds of happy siblings playing upstairs while I sip tea and catch up with the days news. YOU FAILED TO MENTION HOW OFTEN SIBLINGS FIGHT AND THAT THE TEA I WOULD BE SIPPING WOULD BE DR. PEPPER I WOULD BE GULPING IN HOPES THAT A LITTLE OF THE CAFFEINE WOULD GIVE ME THE BOOST I NEED TO RUN UP THE STAIRS TO BREAK UP SOME FREAKIN' FIGHT OVER WHO HAD THE DARN BLOCK FIRST... NEVER MIND THERE ARE NINE GAZILLION OTHER BLOCKS. AND CATCHING UP ON NEWS???? UH.. RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. The ONLY news I catch up on is which diaper is best, or which kleenex cleans up snotty noses better. You promised me pearls. EVERY STAY-AT-HOME MOM HAS PEARLS!! Instead we have grandma's beads under Kara's neck because I forget to get under her neck in the bath. You promised bedtimes at 7.. and currently it is 8:33 and the children are still fussing over SOMETHING...and Daddy isn't home. YOU PROMISED TO GIVE ME A HUUUUUGE DOSE OF PATIENTS AND I'M LACKING IN THAT. You ALSO promised that this would be an "easy life". HA.. YEAH right!!!! and PAYMENT??? really.. It's cute to say you get paid in "kisses and hugs", but try taking THAT to Target and using it in the checkout line. You get weird looks.. believe me.

Now, tomorrow when I get up and look at those 3 sweet faces (that hopefully WON'T be playing in baby powder), I might say disregard this notice. I might get rooked in to one of my kids funny antics they do, or sweet hugs they give, or when they laugh.. no one can laugh like they do. Or, I might change my mind when they say, "love you mommy", because that makes it ALL worth it... dang, just go ahead and disregard this notice, but I'M WARNING YOU.. KEEP IT ON HAND... YOUR TREADING ON THIN ICE MISTER...